South Mouth

As many of you know I am a Yankee who has now been transplanted to what I call the deep south (yes I know there is some room for argument there). This transplant was now 13 years ago, and I have been slowly developing "south mouth" in that time. South mouth is a phenomenon known to Yankees as when you slowly begin to sound "southern" to your friends in the north, and strange foreign sounds emit from your mouth - the most commonly known being the famous"y'all." Go to this test to see how far this has progressed http://www.alphadictionary.com/articles/yankeetest.html
I have now reached 46% Dixie.

Even though I often lament my slow downfall into south mouth, it is also one of my favorite activities to discover new southern terms. I have been avidly trying to learn how to say "maw maw" and "paw paw" and the variants "me maw" and pa paw" easy on the surface, but there is a twang that is difficult to produce. I have learned this year about nabs, snubbs, and that barbecue is in fact a noun and a verb and does not involve an outdoor grill, but a pit. I have tried Pepsi with peanuts. Among my favorites this year was my good friend who says "futha" for the word further, but insisted that she did not for a solid month before it slipped out again, and she noticed - I have even been asked if I was "kin" to someone this year.

One of my favorite stories about my experience with the southern language happened when I was first out of school and working for a large bookstore. I had a customer come into the store and ask for a "wheel kit" - I was not familiar with a "wheel kit" and I asked him if he meant a book on how to make a wheel. The man gave me a look like I was crazy, and said "no a kit to make wheels" - I still obviously had not gotten the message, and finally asked him to spell "wheels" he spelled out "wills" and the nature of his request became plainly obvious, and I know the man thought I had sh** for brains.

As I look back on 13 years here in the south, I am still enjoying learning new things about this place which still sometimes feels like a foreign country.

But, is also definitely home.

Spiders and Police Don't mix

Yesterday at about 5:45 AM I left my house to go work out at the gym, and as I pulled up to the stoplight by my house I felt something crawling on my arm, and turned on my interior light to investigate. With the light on, I discovered a sizable brown spider and promptly squealed and brushed the spider off. The light turned green and I turned off the light and turned onto the major road. I then became consumed with the idea that the spider might come back and bite me and that it was a poisonous Brown Recluse. I had watched the show "I was bitten" on the Discovery Channel over the weekend and it outlined the horrible effects of being bitten by a myriad of venomous animals. I reached another stoplight and turned the interior light back on to re investigate the spider situation. I believe this second investigation attempt is what caught the police officer's eye who was stopped at the same intersection. The officer got the green light first and proceeded to pull into a parking lot across the intersection directly where I was set to turn. I proceed to go at my light and think to myself - oh the officer must have stopped to catch speeders and I the law abiding citizen I normally am thought no more about him and proceeded onto the highway - ahh, but I was wrong..

I was just a little ways down the highway when I looked in my rear view mirror to see a car behind me, and I had barely registered that in was a police car when, blam, the blue lights illuminated. I made a quick mental inventory of the possible reasons I could be being pulled over -registration? no -drunk driving? no- speeding? no- and as I was pulling to a stop I was still baffled as to why I was in this position before it had even hit 6 in the morning. The police officer came to my window and informed me that he had pulled me over for a headlight being out. Now I know we are responsible for our cars and all that jazz, but who does a car walk around before heading out to the gym in the morning? So this is where I get the warning to fix said headlight right? oh no not me - I get a ticket - I have never had a speeding ticket, let alone been convicted of a crime and been pulled once before for expired registration 6 years ago - I am not a regular law breaker and am in fact retentive most of the time about driving.

I know that this officer was just doing his job and it is fully his decision whether to issue the ticket or not, but I feel like there is a time and place to also recognize someones effort to follow the letter of the law. I made an honest mistake without even realizing it existed until I got this ticket. I have read that other states will issue a warning and then you can fix the issue and take it to an officer and have them sign off that the car has been brought up to code - I like that idea. This appeals to me especially since the officer said to get the light fixed and then go to court and they usually throw out the ticket. It makes me wonder why I am having to go though this song and dance at all - there must be a better way.

I went out that same day and bought the 10 dollar light bulb and replaced it, and would have done so if I had noticed the problem before this fateful morning. arrrrgh

So I will be off to court in about a month to bring my receipt and pictures of my 2 working headlights. I will also blame any ill health effects on my missed day at the gym.....

Otter Love

Elephant Frolic